Day 9 – 29/Nov/2020 – The Turkey, the Pig, and Detective Olivia Benson

“Do you know why we eat turkey for Christmas and pork for the New Year’s Eve?”, my Grandma asked me over lunch one day.
Being a teenager, I didn’t care much about symbolism of the food on the table (if at all), so I just shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.
“Well” she continued, “the turkey, you see, walks around looking for food and it tosses the dirt behind with its feet. The pig, on the other hand, digs forward. We, too, want to kick the bad things behind and make room for the new things we will find on our way in the future.”
Although Christmas is a few weeks ahead, the bird was already served, and this year, it came with quite a long list of things I want to leave behind.
I want to leave behind:
* constant worrying about everyone and everything – way beyond my control zone
* feeling afraid, afraid to speak my mind, afraid to go out, afraid to feel angry, afraid to feel happy, afraid to admit my fears
* feeling guilty, guilty for speaking my mind, guilty for going out, guilty for feeling angry, guilty for feeling happy, guilty for sneezing, guilty for not being sick, guilty for yelling, guilty for not yelling loud enough, guilty for being too harsh on others, guilty for not being harsh enough on myself, guilty for indulging myself, guilty for not being disciplined enough
* feeling angry, angry at bad news, at people who feed on the bad news, at people who make the rules, at people who do not respect the rules, at myself for being myself
*feeling trapped, trapped by the government imposed limitations, travel restrictions, clothes, masks, weather, trapped by self-imposed limitations

I launched the blog because my own notebooks and scrapbooks felt limiting. This is me, trying to come to terms with the bubble I find myself in, and sometimes it will be witty, sometimes it will be angry, sometimes it will be sad, but it will be honest!
It’s high time I let the turkey do its job and pick and peck the bad things that weigh me down!

And Olivia, what does she have to do with all of this?
She is a courageous detective who defies fear and shines bright even though she lives in the darkest universe of all!